Thursday, May 21, 2009

I'm in Jakarta now, but

I haven't posted articles for a while.

Now, I'm at the volunteer center in Jakarta, Indonesia.
I came here the day before yesterday.

I'm seriously thinking to leave here.
I stayed here only for 2 days.
I know we cannot decide anything in such a short time.

But, I can't work here now.

There are two other volunteers here, and I already talked with both of them a lot.
They are really nice.
Also, I met all children who live here. They are very sweet.


However, I'm so confused by the difference of the situation.
I was in US two days ago. I had really fun time at Stanford with my friend.
And, I had a great year at William and Mary. I made a lot of close friends and hung out with them a lot.
That is definitely the first greatest year in my life.

Now, I'm in Jakarta.
I decided to come here by myself. I wanted to know the rest of the world by living in a developing country.
I was born and raised in Japan, and I studied in US for 9 months.
I know how much a lucky person I am. Only a few people can live in those economically rich and socially sophisticated countries.
I applied for this volunteer program in Indonesia to expand my view toward the world.

But, I need a rest now. I stayed in US and came to Jakarta.
I'm so confused by the difference of societies.
I know this is not a good thing for everyone who are relating with this volunteer program and my friends who are supporting me.
But, it is the best choice for myself.
I need a rest.
If I work here longer, my heart would get broken. If I become such a state, it's very hard to recover from it. I have to avoid that.

When I was in Japan, I thought I'm mentally strong. Also, my friends said that to me a lot.
However, I realized that I'm not strong at all. I'm same with my friends mentally. I'm not a special. Also, I'm not a machine.
I was ready for coming here. I thought I knew the situation here. But, it's very hard for me to spend here.
I made so many good memories in US, and I haven't been back to Japan for 9 months.

I can't be here anymore.
I need to leave.

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